Worth facing the world for
by fisoh
Summary: Everyone has that one thing that keeps them going and that makes the world worth facing. For a certain two people, it just might be each other.
1. Chapter 1

**Please review :) just a first go we'll see what comes of it.**

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Payson Keeler hated ballet. She hated Mistress Viola who pranced about with her long cane, jabbing it into unsuspecting legs and stomachs. She hated the preening, the tucking in, the excessive lengthening and stretching of all the limbs, and she especially resented her reputation as the ugly duckling of the class.

Although she was well on her way to mastering artistic gymnastics, Sasha had insisted that Payson continue taking the class which meant every week she would don those hideous tights and do some pointless exercises which inevitably ended in disaster and a telling off from the strict ballet teacher.

The only thing that made it worthwhile was that Sasha was, more often than not, an even bigger failure than herself. Her coach had taken it upon himself to join the class in order to prove to Payson that he was always there for her, and would help her regain her confidence and focus as a gymnast. She couldn't help laughing at his wobbly knees and bow-legged gait as he attempted to leap gracefully across the floor. Disaster indeed. Luckily, hers was not the only giggling as the rest of the teenage class dissolved into fits of laughter too, leaving Payson time to quickly cough and straightening her face before Sasha came over to her.

"Better?" he beamed, apparently oblivious to the hysterics that were hurriedly trying to be calmed around him.

"Yes," ventured Payson, her mouth twitching, "much better. You had a lot of…grace."

She couldn't help a small snicker erupting from the last word and instantly clapped her hand to her mouth in embarrassment. Sasha put on a look of feigned surprise, pretending to be hurt by her comment, but as he watched another member of the class execute a perfect jump he smiled too.

"Maybe I've got a long way to go," he mused.

"Yep," replied Payson as she nodded vigorously, "you and me both."

It was her turn to attempt the flight across the room now, Mistress Viola calling her over with a stern finger. She gulped, and Sasha gave her a reassuring smile. He was always there for her, always helping her on, and for that she would be eternally grateful. As the ballet teacher counted her in, Sasha watched his pupil float across the room. It wasn't perfect, but it was certainly better than his. There was something in the way her body twirled effortlessly, the shine of her leotard catching the light and glittering against her blonde hair that made him catch his breath. For the first time he began to see the makings of an artistic gymnast, though she needed to work on her smile. She looked so delicate and serene as she came to a standstill, as if the effort of leaping across the room hadn't fazed her at all.

Sasha may have clapped a little too loudly.

Breathless, Payson moved to the back of the group, tucking a stray hair from her bun behind her ear. She prepared herself for staunch criticism and tried to beat her coach to it.

"Not enough line," she said stubbornly, moving behind Sasha to let one of the other dancers past, "and more smile I suppose."

"Um yes," replied Sasha quickly, "definitely. More line, more grace."

He flashed her a grin.

"More ballet."

Payson Keeler groaned.

As she changed, in a cubicle of course she didn't want to stand out amidst the lithe and skinny ballerinas, Payson wondered yet again why she was going through all this. Because, in all honesty, she was only still there because of Sasha. Ever since her injury her confidence had been rocked and the gnawing pain of self-doubt was ever present whenever she was at The Rock or here. It was only when being coached by Sasha that she felt safe, away from the preying eyes of a world which expected her to bounce back into form, but which she was scared she would disappoint. Sasha Belov had given her faith again.

Darting out of the changing room before any of the ballerinas tried to strike up a conversation, Payson met Sasha in the entrance hall. He was sitting on one of the plastic seats but stood up when he saw her, with a little smile.

"Good job today Payson," he assured her, walking her to the car park. "And tomorrow we'll continue that new floor routine at the gym."

Payson nodded, scanning the cars for her family's silver vehicle.

"Thanks" she said turning back to Sasha, "see you tomorrow then."

They parted ways: the man moving off to his car, the girl walking slowly towards her mother waiting for her. Payson stared a little too long at her coach's retreating figure, wondering what she would have done without him. Given up already, that's for sure.

"Good training?" asked Kim as Payson jumped up into the front seat, hauling her bag onto her knee.

Payson gave her a stubborn look, trademark Keeler competition face.

"Mum I don't class prancing around pretending to be a fairy as training."

Kim laughed as she drove out of the parking space.

"You know honey," she assured, "there might be more to the dancing than you think."

Ignoring her daughter's patronising look, she continued.

"Sasha certainly thinks you're improving, and you know he wouldn't keep pushing you if he didn't think it was working."

"Hmmm."

But for now Payson Keeler didn't want to talk about ballet anymore. Watching the car she knew was Sasha's drive away, she shook her head lightly and pressed her cheek against the windowpane.

"Anything wrong Pay?"

"No," she returned with a small smile.


	2. Chapter 2

Pretty much everyday started the same at The Rock. Payson arrived bright and early as usual, happy to have escaped ballet for another week, then Kaylie would tumble in, chatting to her parents or her manager excitedly. Rushing in self-consciously would be Emily, hair in array and gym bag not properly packed, and cue some remark from Lauren which would start the day as it always did.

Except today Payson didn't really take notice of whatever Lauren was saying, or Emily and Kaylie's outraged looks, instead her eyes kept flitting to the office just above the gym mat.

"Pay," reprimanded Lauren, nudging her in the ribs, "you just missed my joke for the third time."

Kaylie shook her head violently.

"Trust me, you don't want to hear it," she laughed.

"I just want training to start," Payson explained quickly, turning her back on the office and flashing a quick smile to the girls.

It was odd how isolated she felt, even in the midst of the commotion at the gym. As the others laughed and began to stretch, Payson only wished for Sasha to come down and start working with her, her head turning nervously towards the stairs from time to time. When he was with her, she had this small glow of self-confidence building in her stomach, and that was what she craved most of all.

"Right everyone, gather round."

Payson gave an involuntary inward smile as she heard Sasha's voice and hurried to join the rest of the gymnasts who had gathered in the centre of the mats. Scanning his athletes, Sasha felt an enormous sense of pride as they looked up to him, remembering what a great job coaching really was. His eyes alighted on Payson perhaps a little too long, as he quietly struggled to discern pride at her gymnastic ability with another conflicting emotion. He decided to put that away for now.

Clapping his hands, he drew the young people's attention towards himself.

"Today," he began, "we'll be having another impromptu showcase."

He flashed a knowing smile at the groans spreading around the room. Every few weeks, Sasha would gather the gymnasts and ask them to perform whatever they were working on in front of each other, whether it was a specific trick or an entire routine.

Laughing at their begrudging attitude, Sasha sent them off to practice before he would be taking names out of the hat and seeing who started the display just after lunch. By instinct, he started to walk over to Payson, but quickly stopped himself as she looked up and met his gaze. Four eyes locked.

Sasha quickly moved past her to Carter, avoiding her look of disappointment as she watched him bypass her.

Well that was odd, Payson thought. But normal of course, she reassured herself. She wasn't the only athlete here who needed help: she couldn't expect Sasha to give her his entire undivided attention. Then why did she feel so odd watching him go by?

Now was not the time to ponder her emotions, and gritting her teeth Payson tried to remember the new floor routine Sasha had devised for her. Standing alone on the mat, Payson felt oddly uncomfortable doing her routine with everyone around her. Normally Payson Keeler didn't care about people watching her, she would just power on with an impressive tumble that would get them talking, but now…

Now she felt disjointed and awkward as she attempted to point her toes and make graceful lines. Whenever anyone came near her she sheepishly stopped what she was doing and stood embarrassedly until they were far enough away again.

"Snap out of it," she murmured to herself.

But it was not a good practice. Sasha didn't come over until almost eleven, and when he did, it was brandishing a woolly hat that seemed to be filled with paper.

"Pick your place for the showcase?" he tempted, grinning broadly and rattling the hat.

Payson didn't laugh, and stepped in very close to her coach.

"Sasha, I don't think I can do this," she started, peering up into his face, "I'm not ready, you know that."

Sasha dropped his ridiculous woollen garment and put both hands on her shoulders. When he spoke, it was not with the loud and vivacious motivational-speech voice he used for other gymnasts, but a quiet and comforting tone that seemed to exude honesty.

"I believe in you." Sasha whispered, "You just need to show everyone else what you show me in our practices."

That's different, thought Payson. With Sasha she didn't care how she looked doing artistic stunts, she was willing to try anything, she felt safe. But in front of everyone else, well that was different. She forced herself to return Sasha's smile.

"And on that note-" Sasha spun around, now addressing the whole gym. "Payson Keeler will perform first!"

Claps and wild cheers from her friends, feelings of nausea and fear from her stomach.

"What!"

He playfully led her to the middle of the mats, as she wildly looked around the room for some escape. He spun her so that she was facing him as the other gymnasts gathered round.

"You've got this," he smiled.

But as he walked away from her it was as if some part of herself left too, that slow ebb of confidence draining away with Sasha. He went to the CD player, looking back at her as he hovered his finger over the button.

Payson tried to block out the expecting crowd around her, the constricting walls of the gym, the crinkled leather of mat beneath her feet. She let her eyes alight on the one thing she _wanted _to think about. Or rather, the one _person_.

Sasha gave her an encouraging smile.

The music began. Payson froze. Blood rushed into her head as her eyes flitted across the gymnasts waiting for her to stun them. The echo of the music seemed to fill the entire room, throbbing into her body and sending shockwaves into her pulsing heart. Her breath caught in her throat as she tried to do anything, but looking at the crowd in front of her emptied her brain of everything and anything relating to the routine she was supposed to be doing. Even Sasha's face became a blur as fear clouded her eyes.

"I'm sorry, I can't do this," rushed out a quiet, shaking voice that didn't sound like hers.

Then she was running, across the mats accompanied by the whispers of the others, the cries of her friends, the music pounding painfully through her ears and the tears brimming in her eyes. Sasha had run towards her, he tried to grab her hand as she tried to get away, sobbing.

"Payson, Payson!"  
His voice was warm, gentle, concerned. He pulled her in towards him but she struggled away, her hair flicking out of its ponytail and wiping him in the face as she darted towards the changing room.

Coconu-woah. Did he just smell Payson Keeler's hair?

That was odd.

He ran after her.

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**I ended up splitting this chapter into two, so next to follow shortly :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**I'm sorry if the story seems a bit slow at the moment, I just think that with their situations as gymnast and coach, and their mutual stubbornness, it would be so...for now :)**

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"Payson?"

He expected her to be sitting on the changing room bench, maybe still crying and shaking, but instead he found her standing upright, a grim look of determination in her face.

"I'm sorry," she blurted out.

"I'm sorry?" repeated Sasha, confused.

Payson furrowed her eyebrows as she met his perplexed gaze.

"Yes," she offered, "I'm sorry."

She felt rash and temperamental, her hands clammy as she rubbed them awkwardly together. She couldn't make out why she more frustrated about disappointing Sasha than embarrassing herself in front of the entire gym. She didn't understand why she had rejected his offer of help, why she had run away from him. Perhaps it was because she couldn't deal with disappointing him. All Payson had felt was the empty void encroaching closer upon her until now when Sasha's face seemed to break the stifling silence of her mind.

Looking up, she saw his eyes, slightly glazed with a tender thought. She instantly felt wretched at pushing him away, guilt creeping into conscience as she saw he only wanted to help her.

"What's wrong Payson?" Sasha asked gently, leading her towards the bench and sitting down himself.

His gymnast gave a long slow sigh.

"It's just-" she hesitated as she wondered whether to sit down next to him. She did, averting her eyes around the room as she spoke.

"It's just everyone expects me to be great, just like before and-"

Payson's voice trembled as she broke off. She didn't understand this turbulent rollercoaster of emotions she was suddenly experiencing, it was as if her world had suddenly been thrown of its axis, and the only thing that was keeping it together was Sasha.

"I'm scared Sasha," she whispered, turning to face him.

"Scared of trying something new in case people think I'm…ridiculous," she concluded, in lack of a better word.

In case _you _think I'm ridiculous.

"Payson, you don't have to be scared of anything," Sasha assured her, "you can start anew, reinvent yourself with me, who cares what others thought of you before. Trust me, we do anything together."

Payson gently blushed: not enough for Sasha to detect in the low light of the changing room, but enough to feel the hot flush fill her face. She looked down. Sasha's hand was resting lightly on her knee.

How long it had been there she didn't know, but strangely it seemed natural for his hand to be there, protectively. It was oddly…comfortable.

Woah.

Payson Keller shot up into the air, bounding up from the bench.

Sasha seemed to have noticed his uncontrolled limb too and was quickly trying to cover himself. Swallow, he thought as he realised his throat had become uncontrollably dry, swallow and gulp. Just gulp, gulp Sasha now!

"You and me, starting afresh," he managed to croak.

She smiled, her lips curving serenely, entrancingly as she bent forwards. For one joyous, fleeting moment Sasha believed Payson Keeler was going to kiss him.

Instead, she hugged him, and he hugged her back.

Payson sunk her chin deeper into his shoulder, tracing the arch of his neck with the curved contour of her own face. Sasha let himself brush against her hair lightly, so as not to disturb the shining radiance. He breathed in deeply, purposefully.

Definitely coconut. Coconut and…lemon?

It seemed to be a moment suspended in time. Payson could only feel the slow rise and fall of Sasha's ribcage against her front, her hand which was on his back unconsciously mirroring the expanding lilt. She could hear his breath, unsteady and halted, almost feel the pounding of his heart against hers. Payson's mind seemed to block out everything else, all that remained was undoubted confusion, but rapidly rising out of that was something new. Something torturous and ecstatic, radiating pleasure and pain, burning her heart yet soothing her soul.

If Payson Keeler had known anything about love, she would have recognised the beginnings of it. If Sasha Belov was a man who let his heart guide him, he would not have withdrawn from the embrace. But she was untouched by experience, still a wide-eyed observer, and he was too used to listening to his head.

Gymnast and coach looked up at each as they sat opposite on the bench.

"I want to do it again."

Payson spoke. She was watching him, twisting her hands near her stomach.

"But not in front of the others," she said determinedly, "just for you. I mean in front of you."

She gave a nervous laugh. He smiled. That was his gymnast: strong and resilient, you just had to know how to coax it out of her.

"Come on."

Coach and gymnast walked back into the gym. Neither noticed if anybody stared, or muttered or whispered. Both simply strode into position, girl to the floor, man to the CD player.

Payson tried to remember to breathe. Poised on the mat she slowly let everything else fade away, blurring her peripheral vision until there was only one thing she was focussed on. One person. The music began. Through the void of sound and speed she tried to remember his face.

Sasha watched, entranced. It was…beautiful. Then it ended.

She looked up at him from across the room, shyly, expectantly. Sasha gave her a small nod, a smile, then gestured for her to go to lunch. His pulse had shot up, he could feel his hands writhing as he attempted to control his beads of sweat and walk calmly, measuredly up the stairs to his office. He tried to ignore Payson's forlorn face as she wandered to the door.

In his office, Sasha held his head in his hands, leaning heavily on his desk. Staring across the glass pane to the gym, he tried to ignore the chaos in his head.

Amidst his conflicting emotions, strangely he felt calm. He felt as if everything that just happened was simply normal. That was maybe the strangest part. He stared into the doorway where Payson had left, then cursed himself for looking, snapping his head away.

Then he looked back again.

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**I wanted to show how these feelings arise from friendship and trust and stuff. Impulsivness and passion come later :P **

**I hope it's going ok, and coming across all right!**


	4. Chapter 4

Wet, dripping, slowly washing away the pavements and darkening the windshields, the rain sheeted down as Payson Keeler slipped along street, struggling with the wind which threatened to bowl her over. Although she had gladly volunteered to walk into town and get some last minute provisions for tonight's meal, she hadn't counted on the weather turning barbaric and was now deeply regretting her scorn for the umbrella which had been left waiting patiently in the rack at home. Dodging puddles and darting into the grocery store, Payson laughed as she contemplated the poor sodden piece of paper that had been her shopping list.

As she filled her basket with what she hoped was on the menu for tonight, Payson's thoughts kept wondering, remembering the embarrassment of yesterday, but more importantly, Sasha's words.

"_You and me, starting afresh."_

Sasha Belov was giving her hope, and slowly her faith was returning, thanks to his guidance. What was odd was that she had dreamt confused, erratic dreams into which he kept appearing and, laying silently awake in the morning, she had secretly smiled.

"Will that be all Miss?" asked the bored looking man at the counter who had just finished wrestling her items into a plastic bag which now looked as if it would break when she pulled the handle.

"Yeah, thanks."

As she turned to pay, she heard the door jangle open, and since curiosity was so common in young girls, turned absentmindedly to look at the figure in the door.

"Sasha!" she exclaimed, an involuntary smile billowing across her face.

It was not, as Payson believed, a coincidence that Sasha Belov entered the store. He too had been walking in the rain, but unlike her, he walked without reason, ploughing on through the puddles with his trusty umbrella, giving himself time to think.

His mind was in chaos, reeling with such a mixture of emotions that it seemed impossible it still managed to contain them. Amidst the commotion he could only discern one truth, one shining beacon of light which was Payson Keeler, and the warmth that she was spreading throughout his soul.

And yet he hated his position: he couldn't act, he couldn't do anything lest it looked like he was pursuing his advantage, lusting after his gymnasts like some uncontrolled animal. The torture at nights was killing him, knowing that whatever was happening between them lay in the hands of a 16 year old girl who probably couldn't understand what she was feeling. Not that anything actually made sense to Sasha either.

Then through the guilt and shame he remembered her smile, the look she had when she watched him. Payson Keeler longed to be protected, to feel trust and safety. Sasha Belov ached to be the one showing her comfort, defending her and holding her hand.

Walking near the shops so as to gain some shelter, he had noticed her and, without thinking, as if by some primordial instinct, had entered the very same shop. His stomach seemed to melt at the joyous expression on her face when she spoke his name, even though she tried to cover it.

"I don't think I've ever seen anyone so wet!" Sasha said, his concerned eyes taking in Payson's drenched form.

She gathered her items from the till, shrugging her shoulders as if it was nothing. Inside though, a tiny spark flared at the thought that he cared.

"I just forgot my umbrella," laughed Payson.

"Here, have mine," he offered without hesitation, almost thrusting it into her hands. She attempted a polite protest, but his caring smile and eyes insisted, so she saw that there was no point putting up a fight.

"Thank you," she chirped, taking the umbrella from him, and brushing another strand of sodden hair from her eyes.

"I hope you've finally decided to invest in some proper food?" she said, half-teasingly as she gestured around the shop.

Sasha gave an embarrassed groan, remembering his cereal-for-dinner episodes.

"Definitely," he assured her, "though my skills as a cook are somewhat limited."

"How limited?"

"Picture a burning microwave, melted plastic and a dishevelled bowl if you will…"

Payson laughed. It felt so normal, just talking like this, not about gymnastics, not about ballet, not even about anything or anyone to do with The Rock. She hesitated, then opened her mouth again.

"I mean you could have dinner at my house if you wanted?"

Sasha suddenly remembered his dreams of coconuts and lemons.

"Dinner with you?" he asked, a little too slowly.

"With my family."

Straight away they both felt foolish. Payson's heart beat a little faster. Had he thought she meant dinner just with her? She smiled at the thought, and something buried inside her seemed to hope that he had.

"Thank you," he nodded, "but I'll brave my own cooking again, it's sort of become routine to eat badly."

"The trials of a coach," she grinned.

"Indeed."

The shopkeeper seemed to be tiring of their babble and was hastily rustling the coins in the till, as if to push them into leaving.

"Come on," Sasha whispered into her ear, tucking his arm behind her elbow and steering her quickly out of the door.

They came back into the heavy downpour which instantly drenched them as they looked up into the sky.

"Umbrella!" shouted Sasha over the howling wind and deafening rain.

Struggling, Payson tried to open the umbrella which was stubbornly staying firmly shut. The wind wiped their faces, blowing Payson's hair back and round so that it lashed into Sasha's face. He held her tightly as they tried to move through the oncoming storm, pulling her into his own body so that he was shielding her from at least some of the ferocious elements.

"I think it's stuck," Payson tried to yell over the noise, but the wind seemed to sweep away the words from her lips.

"Give it here it's stuck!"

"Sasha I can't open it, it's stuck!"

"I can't hear you! The umbrella's stuck Payson, give it here!"

Their battle of soundless speech continued as nature robbed them of communication and continued the downpour. Watching her struggle with it, Sasha leant across to the umbrella. His hands closed onto the wooden handle, slightly above hers. As they both tugged, hers slid upwards, his thrust themselves down until they were resting on top of hers. Their fingers meshed, blending into one set as they tried to open the umbrella, soft, delicate fingers caressed by larger, enveloping hands.

The umbrella went up.

"Finally!" breathed Sasha, as they hurriedly scampered under it. Being a solitary man, Sash's umbrellas were, as expected, only meant for one person, and so Payson slid closer into his chest, his arm wrapping itself across her shoulder and pulling her into the sheltered cover of the umbrella.

Payson knew their hands were still intertwined on the umbrella's handle, but she didn't move them. She was breathless, soaked and cold but the confines of the umbrella seemed to comfort her, the warm steam of Sash's breath warding off any other onslaught from nature. The atmosphere seemed to grow steamy, hot and exalting as he looked down into her eyes.

They stopped walking as a particularly large gust of wind thrust Payson closer into his arms. In the brief second in which he closed his eyes, Sasha imagined this was what it was like to hold her as a couple, feel her breath tickle the nape of his neck and her legs unconsciously lean against his.

The wind seemed to abate, and she pulled away. They looked at each other. Payson's hand moved slowly to Sasha's face, where her thumb gently rubbed a remaining water droplet away from his forehead. The noise around them seemed to fade away as he brushed her hair behind her ear.

Nothing was said, they simply looked up into each other's eyes, discerning the slow flame lighting them.

He almost bent forward and kissed the top of her forehead. He wanted to to flurry his lip quickly across her skin, feel the tingling sensation spreading throughout his body. But he didn't. Payson sensed something was wrong, and she drew herself into his chest. He held her close, through the wind, through the rain, as they stood silently entwined. As natured battled around them they felt like the last two humans alive in the world, safe in the arms of each other. But with this momentary happiness came the destructive sense of painful desire, erupting in both of them. Sasha pulled away, but she lingered her hands upon his.

"Goodnight Payson," he murmured.

He began to walk away, huddling his shoulders against the rain.

"Sasha-"

She didn't know why she called out his name, breathless and biting her lip as he turned around. He looked so pathetic without an umbrella, rain streaking his face and hair yet he continued to smile at her all the same.

"Nothing," Payson murmured, swallowing and shaking her head gently.

They both turned around, each itching to look back, but they walked on, reason overpowering emotion for perhaps the last time.

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**Ok don't worry, slow and steady ends here, don't worry, expect much more rapid development in the next chapter! :)**

**Please review if you can :)**


	5. Chapter 5

******Thanks for the reviews, I've tried to revise this chapter and spot the mistakes!**

**enjoy!**

Payson Keeler stood in front of the mirror, anxiously fidgeting with her dress. Watching herself turn, it was hard to recognise the girl who usually loitered awkwardly at The Rock. Normally, she would normally be excited about this type of thing, but now, as she looked at the girl in the mirror, she couldn't help but feel a twinge of excitement. Perhaps it was because she had someone to dress up for, or maybe it was because that certain somebody just made her feel so…happy.

The Rock was hosting another fundraiser tonight, to try and raise money to cover the expenses needed for Nationals. It was a black-tie event, and although she didn't really own anything suitable for the occasion, she had pressed her mum to pinch and stitch one of her dresses for her to wear. Kim had been pleasantly surprised at her daughter's willingness to attend the event, watching the sparkling light that had recently appeared in her eye. Her daughter was finally discovering her deeper emotions.

"Come on Pay, we're going to be late if you don't hurry up," shouted Kim Keeler from the car.

Payson gave a long low sigh as she trembled her hand once more to her hair. She bit her lip as she remembered Sasha's fingers running through hers, intertwining an caressing them.

"Payson!"

Clicking her heels, she ran out of the house, heart racing, mind flying, hoping and hoping that tonight she might have something to smile even wider about.

Ever since the moment in the rain with Payson, Sasha had tried to fill his hours with tasks, errands anything to do with the evening ahead. Meaningless, trivial things that seemed to buzz around his life and mash his head into a confused pulp. That hadn't stopped him dallying longer than usual when chosen his dinner jacket, or stopped him from shining his shoes carefully, or pausing in front of the mirror to ruffle his hair nervously.

Payson Keeler. Why did those syllables remain like a charm etched into his brain, mended into the strings of his heart? Why did he breathe her name repeatedly into the night, or imagine pouring the tea for not one cup but two? He shook his head, spinning round to the room's hubbub and chatter. The guests for the fundraising evening were already arriving, and he scanned the room for a particular family.

"Hey there! Hello Mr Tanner. Good to see you Chloe."

He rushed through the crowds, snatches of conversation whirling past as he moved outside to greet the entering guests.

The Keelers were just exiting their car when he saw her. Payson glanced over her shoulder as she shut the car door, meeting his gaze. They both smiled. Sasha came towards her, greeting her family with throwaway words, ushering them in with a vague point of the hand.

"Hey."

She seemed to blush only at the sound of his voice, as she lowered her eyes and smiled.

"Hi."

In the cool air of the night, the bare skin of her shoulders seemed so fragile as they walked very slowly towards the door. He longed to sweep off his jacket, place it on her radiating peachy bloom, protecting her from the cold. The dark red blush of her dress, fitting and smoothing her curves, and her beautiful hair curled and seemingly swept back effortlessly

Payson shivered slightly in the cold, and he placed his warm hands on her shoulders. A gently electric tingle ran through her body as his palms pressed into her skin, his fingers seeming to trace the line of collar bones, as if trying anxious to discover where they lead. As they moved inside, they both became conscious of their closeness, springing apart with abrupt looks and nervous clearings of the throat, gradually losing themselves in the influx of people.

The tide of people separated them: she watched his head be carried away but felt as if something, across the crowd, was uniting them, as if some part of her heart or soul had been willingly given, some invisible ribbon fluttering between them, weaving itself amongst the passers-by and being gently pulled by those strong, supple hands.

Moving towards her friends, Payson tried to act normal, avoid those adoring eyes, stem the rapid pulse of her heart, ignore the twisting sinews of her heart, laugh, joke, exchange meaningless words with The Rock girls. Huddled in small circles, clutching glasses of champagne, they talked, now and then eavesdropping into other people's conversations. Kaylie giggled as she pointed to a group of handsome looking boys, loitering near the drinks table, and the girls craned their ears to listen.

"Who's the blonde one we saw before?" one was asking.

"Oh that's just Payson Keeler," answered his friend, "she's not a great gymnast."

Payson felt herself grow hot, averting her eyes to the outraged looks of her friends, desperately trying to see a way of moving away from the group.

"Really? I thought she was?" continued the guy.

"Nah, since she's gone artistic, I hear she's pretty rubbish. Not got a chance of succeeding."

All at once Sasha was in the picture, the young man thrown reeling from the force of a fist that hit him from the side.

"Sasha!"

He didn't understand his actions, all he knew was that he had to defend her, and as she ran to him, across the screams and commotion as the youth lay on the ground, clutching his nose which Sasha seemed to have walloped, all he wanted was to spit in his face for saying anything about her.

"Why did you- what did you-" Payson couldn't formulate words, only grabbing his hand and quickly leading him away from the chaos.

"Don't ever insult my gymnasts again," he yelled over his shoulder as she dragged him, down and down the corridor until they couldn't hear any one the commotion they had just left.

They stopped, but their hands stayed intertwined. She looked at his, the knuckles cracked, flecked with blood, the sign of his fight for her.

"You hurt yourself," she whispered, holding up his hand to look, nervously passing her own fingers over his.

Her mind seemed to grow numb: he had done this for her, he had jumped in, defended her when she hadn't asked, he had saved her, looked out for her.

"I couldn't let them say that about you," replied Sasha, in a low hoarse voice, looking into her eyes.

And all at once she was kissing him, her hands flurrying into his hair, grasping the roots as if they were a lifeline to hold on to, touching his lips as if they were burning, scorching with passionate that exuded from both of their souls. His hands moved into the small of her back, grasping her close, pulling her into his chest as if he could never let go. And her insides were melting, reducing themselves to simple ecstasy. Unsaid words passing through his lips to hers, pent up emotions flooding into each other's hearts through the connection of her soft mouth of his.

All light seemed to vanish, all air seemed to go, they didn't need to see or breathe or hear anything else but themselves, right here, right now as her body moulded into his, their arms intertwining and legs meshing unconsciously. Her small nails scrabbled into his hair, and as he brushed hers that wonderful scent of coconuts and lemons purged his soul. Her soft, innocent lips seemed to unlock his, making them supple, giving them life, showing him the way.

There was a voice around the corner and they broke apart, hurrying to opposite ends of the corridor, pretending to admire a lampshade, a painting. As a group of people rushed down the hall they simply stared at each other, and as Sasha was steered away to make a speech, she gazed after him, not knowing what to say, her smile brimming in her face and eyes.

He seemed to smile and joke for nobody but her, his actions and movements were personal to her as she stood at the back of the room, watching him talk, hearing his breathe, the tick of his heart, mirroring the rise and fall of his ribcage even from so far.

Payson Keeler looked at her coach and realised it was love. He looked at her and saw his own rising from within.

And as he watched the family walk back to the car he couldn't take his eyes off her, his lips tingling at every step she took, as the droplets began to fall once more.

The heavens opened. The rain hailed down, weeks of emotion opening his heart as he stood in the flood. The stars threw down their spears as he stood exalted, the moon bowed down as he felt the very essence of humanity rise within him. And as she drove away, Sasha knew that Payson Keeler could feel it too.

**yay! **

**will do my best to be as speedy as possible for next time :)**


	6. Chapter 6

Waking with a smile on her face was something Payson Keeler hadn't done in a while. Snuggled into the duet, wrapped into the comfort of her bed and the warm sleep of dreams, she closed her eyes and remembered last night. In the slow burning sun of the morning, it seemed impossible, but the memory of Sasha's gentle caress on her lips and his soft, sweet smell in her mouth affirmed her doubts.

Through the still confused veil of sleep came a persistent beeping coming from the side of her bed. Opening a bleary eye, Payson stretched her hand reluctantly to the carpet, scrabbling to find her phone which was nestling amongst the array of tights and clothes, thrown off last night as she returned, late and exhausted, ready to fall into the spell of dreams. Holding the offensive noise-maker up to her face, her eyes suddenly snapped open.

It was Sasha.

Scrambling up so that she was upright against the headboard of her bed, Payson hastily clicked a button and held the phone to her ear.

"Hello?" she croaked, her voice obviously portraying the fact she had just woken up.

There seemed to be a short chuckle on the other side of the line.

"Payson, why are you not at the gym?"

Frowning, Payson leaned over and grabbed her alarm clock, her sleepy gestures also dislodging most of the other things on her bedside table. Peering at the red figures, she registered dimly that it was only 8 am.

"It's a Sunday," she answered, dazed by the early morning.

"I don't remember excluding Sundays on your training programme," continued Sasha.

She gave a disbelieving sigh.

"You, you want me to come in, now?" she groaned, attempting to throw off the duvet with her feet.

"The Rock. Now," demanded Sasha with what Payson tried to discern as another chuckle, ringing off.

Muttering to herself, she slumped out of bed, quickly scraping her long blonde hair into a loose bun and pulling on the first leotard that came to hand. Then she took it off, choosing another, much nicer and flattering one from the back of her wardrobe. Despite her tiredness and the fact that this was supposed to be a day off, she grinned as she quickly packed her gym bag, slipping her sports jacket and trousers over her outfit. She even began to hum happily as she hastily grabbed a rapid breakfast, scrawling a note to her mum explaining where she was going, and leaving her slumbering household to go down to the nearest bus stop and catch it to The Rock.

The building looked as deserted and sleeping as her own house, as Payson walked up the silent stairs and through the usually vibrant entrance hall. She didn't bother putting her stuff in her locker, or going to the changing room, she simply slipped off her jacket and trousers, walking into the main gym.

Unlike usual, when he mostly stayed in his office, Sasha was waiting on the main mat area in the middle of the floor, sitting on a bench he had pulled up. He looked up as she arrived, prompting an instant skirmish in her stomach and a secret smile to blush on her face.

"Hey."

Sasha greeted her with a smile, holding up a brown bag and two cups of coffee, "Breakfast?"

Payson narrowed her eyes as she moved forward, letting her bag drop off her shoulder and fall to the floor.

"Actually I already ate," she explained, coming towards him, "and I thought we were here to train, not pig-out."

"Although, I don't really mind" she added hastily, seeing his expression drop immediately.

Sasha passed her a cup, motioning for her to come and sit down. As a coach he would never have thought to bring her these things, but as she joined him, taking the cup and feeling the warmth of coffee spread through her hands, he was glad his human side had gotten the better of him for once.

"I guessed as to what you liked," he said, watching her drink and showing her the bag of bagels, "I didn't really know-"

"It's perfect," Payson replied, looking up.

The coffee was too bitter, a little too strong, but he could learn that. There was everything to learn with time. She smiled despite herself.

"What?" he murmured, mirroring her smile, hers lighting up his own face.

Payson shook her head, drawing the cup closer to her lips.

"Nothing."

Sasha straightened up, moving away from the bench. He turned back and held out his hand.

"Come on," he said, as she followed him with her avid gaze.

Putting her coffee cup to the side, Payson slowly moved beside him, not knowing what to do. She watched his movements, wandering if he had spent all night reliving their kiss too. He put his hands on her waist and she looked down abruptly, at his strong fingers encircling her body.

"I umm, think we should work on your balance," he started, not looking into her eyes.

"Oh. OK."

"Just stretch your legs."

Confused, she extended her right leg behind her, as fully as she could, relaxing into his support so that she could push her limits. Payson couldn't concentrate; all that was whirring in her mind was questions about last night.

"Good," Sasha said, as she drew her legs together again. He turned his eyes to hers. Her breath caught in her throat. She leant in and kissed him, her hands passing instinctively to the back of his head.

"Payson!"

He abruptly moved backwards, breaking away from her. She couldn't understand the look he gave her, it was full of confusion and, it seemed, pain.

"I thought," she stammered, "I thought, last night, we…."

Nothing was coming out of her brain, reeling blank and expressionless images.

Sasha seemed to gulp.

"I know," he hesitated, coming closer into her again, "but-"

He broke off. It was killing him, what he had to do. His numb brain was screaming out, his veins twisting as he pretended to shut away his heart.

"Payson, I'm your coach," he whispered.

She didn't know what to say, every happy tingle in her body coming crashing down as she tried to process what he was saying.

"I think it would be wrong," Sasha continued, his voice tailing off as there was no inch of his body which actually meant what he was saying.

She could see in his eyes that the words were empty, blank and untrue. But suddenly their situation hit her, the world suddenly becoming stark and false, her heart struggled to beat in the flood of reality.

There was a prickling in her eyes as she struggled to retain the tears which were welling up. Payson Keeler did not cry, and as she stood there, helpless and prey to society and its damning views, Sasha Belov saw the scared young girl against the world. He yearned to enfold her into is arms, cry into her shoulder that it could be alright, that together was all that mattered. But he couldn't. After their kiss, returning to his trailer at The Rock, he had bee riding on the ecstasy of emotion, love fuelling his breath and life. But through the night, and waking to a bleak morning once gain alone, reality dawned, crushing the small sprigs of happiness and hope Payson had bred within him. His soul felt as if he was repressing it, cutting it out of his body as he watched her lost eyes echo his own emotions.

"How can feeling like this be so _wrong_," he watched her struggle to whisper, her voice breaking as she met his gaze.

There were no words for either of them. They simply looked into each other's eyes, wishing the same thing. Sasha drew his breath, as if to say something, then quickly stopped, and turned away.

"What?" Payson cried quickly, not seeing his face ducking away and sniffing.

She thought he was going to say three words, three small words that would have broken both their hearts. As Sasha turned back, she walked slowly up towards him, taking his hand.

Amidst everything, the confusion, the pain, a world that was out to destroy them, Payson knew one thing. Sasha was the only thing that kept her life revolving. He was worth facing anything, anyone. She tried to kiss him again, but he moved his index finger to her lips. She could taste the sweat, the salty pain and fear on her lips, uniting them.

"I'm sorry Payson," he murmured, turning and walking away.

"Sasha."

This time it was her calling out his name, seeing his hands come to his head in desperation as he was swallowed by the shadows of the gym. The door clicked gently behind him.

Payson stood, alone in the middle of The Rock. Tears stained her face as she looked at the bench and the abandoned coffee. Passing her hand over their cups, she felt the cold of their forgotten emotions lying, swirled but trapped in the containers of their world.

There were a hundred things that Payson Keeler didn't know. There were a thousand questions she would have liked answered. But there was one thing she was sure of, and as she left the gym, catching the bus not in the direction of her house, but of somewhere else, she knew that she would fight for it.

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**I hope you like this chapter**

**Thanks for all the reviews so far, you've all made my day(s) :)**

**Would love you to keep reading and reviewing!**


	7. Chapter 7

**enjoy :)**

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"Hi?"

Even Lauren Tanner was surprised that when she opened the door it was Payson Keeler on her doorstep. Payson twisted the strap of her bag in her fingers as she stood outside the house, not even sure why she was there.

"Hi," she started hesitantly, "you busy?"

Lauren shook her head, opening the door wider and letting her friend in. She didn't understand what would have brought Payson here. She looked shaken, almost as if she had been on the verge of tears before forcing them down again.

"Were you training?" Lauren asked, pointing to her gym bag.

"Oh, yeah."

Payson replied absentmindedly, blankly looking around the hall.

"Are you alright Pay?" her friend hesitated as they walked to Lauren's room.

"Yeah," breathed Payson, putting a smile onto her face, "just tired, you know from last night."

"Did you have a good time?" she asked Lauren quickly, trying to divert the attention from herself.

"Yeah," smiled Lauren, biting her lip, "it's good to let off steam once in a while. There was this guy there-"

And off she went. For once Payson was happy that Lauren sometimes seemed to only care about herself. It meant that she faze out whilst the girl was telling some story which frankly she didn't about. She was moving unseeing through the corridor and into Lauren's room, now and then nodding, smiling maybe uttering some nondescript sound at a pause in Lauren's story. Only five minutes ago it had seen right, logical and even sensible to come to Lauren for help, but standing there her confidence was retreating.

Payson didn't know anything about boys, that she was sure of. But that didn't matter as she actually needed to know about men. Watching Sasha walk away, as if defeated, away from her, away from whatever they had, an illicit pleasure, an exhilarating misery. That one moment.

It was just a kiss though. It had been one small flurry of lips against hers, one hand pressed into the small of back, enclosing her safely. But when she had arrived today, walked into the room, into his gaze, she had expected…well she didn't exactly know.

But she hadn't expected this.

Lauren seemed to have stopped talking and was just looking at her, so Payson gave a forced little laugh. It seemed to do the trick, and Lauren grinned, swirling around on the desk chair in her room.

"What did you want to see me for?" she gabbled, apparently having forgotten her initial concerns about her friend through the telling of her story.

"Oh nothing much," hesitated Payson, clasping her hands together as she sat on the bed, "you know, just to-"

She broke off as she picked up a magazine, sprawled on Lauren's bed. As her friend pulled a jumper off the floor and wriggled into it, Payson quickly leafed to a page, pretending to be engrossed.

"Lauren," she asked, looking up, "what would you-"

Payson broke off again.

"What would do if you…liked someone you're, not supposed to?"

She pointed vaguely at the page as if it was just a question which had popped into her mind.

"What do you mean?" pressed Lauren, kicking off her slippers and putting on a pair of socks¸ "liking someone is liking someone, you can't change that."

"Yes but-" Payson looked anxiously around the room for inspiration.

"What if it's not right. To like them I mean?"

Lauren stopped, looking up at her friend.

"Did it stop me?"

She was joking, but her voice seemed to be hollow and a little quieter than usual as she joined Payson on the bed.

"I don't mean like Carter," Payson explained, squeezing Lauren's hand, "if it's someone's boyfriend already. I mean, what if it's just wrong?"

Lauren ran her hands absentmindedly through her hair.

"You know love's never wrong," she murmured, "even if other people say it is."

But even hearing the words she had hoped spring form her friend's lips, Payson couldn't smile. Something buried inside her heart was still protesting, still hammering at her conscience, whirring the incessant chaos in her brain.

"But what if it's like Romeo and Juliet," Payson struggled, "if it's just unthinkable? Forbidden?"

Lauren frowned.

"Is there something you're not telling me?" she teased, raising her eyebrows.

"No," rushed Payson, "I was just curious. You know me; I don't know anything about this kind of stuff."

She gave a flash of a smile, weak and false to appease Lauren's curiosity and pointed at the magazine, as if blaming it for her questions.

Lauren traced an invisible pattern on the floor with the tip of her foot.

"I'd fight for it," she said eventually, seemingly wrapped up in her own world, now her that had forgotten the other.

"I'd fight for anything I felt was worth it. No matter what."

A smile flushed across Payson's face despite herself. Lauren looked up, blinking away from her thoughts.

"Are you sure you're ok?" she laughed, confused at the sudden change of emotions.

"Of course," replied Payson, getting up.

"You know what I'm like when I get tired, I should leave you," she continued.

She was moving towards the door before Lauren could protest, leaving her sitting,, mouth slightly agape, on the edge of her bed.

"Well ok!" laughed Lauren as she disappeared round the corner. She sat for a moment, in suspended disbelief, then shook it off, riffling through the magazine left on the bed.

The smile on her face dazzled through Payson Keeler's heart as she made her way home. Lauren was right. It didn't matter what, she would fight for whatever it was she and Sasha had going on. As she opened the front door, she headed straight up to her bedroom, ignoring whatever it was her parents were doing, flinging herself onto the bed, and burying her face into the pillow. Tomorrow. Tomorrow she would make him see that she wasn't a girl anymore, and that she would do anything for him.

Payson didn't notice the figure her mother was sat with in the living room, passively listening to plans for the next fundraiser and being told how much last night's had raised. She didn't register a brain as blank as hers ignoring, just like she had done, the ramblings of someone else's story while their thoughts wondered to something more profound.

"Sorry, where's your bathroom?" he asked, as he was walked towards the door, the meeting over.

Kim pointed him up the stairs, smiling, clutching the fundraising folder to her chest and turning away to the kitchen.

Sasha Belov mounted the stairs. His footsteps, muffled by the plush carpet seemed to be treading upwards into uncertainty, his heart leaping as he faced the row of panelled doors. He knew which door was hers.

He slowly approached it, his shoes noiselessly leading the way, as if he was intruding upon something delicate and hidden. His fingers trembled as they touched the wooden surface of the door lightly.

From inside, Sasha could hear the faint hum of a radio, the indistinct rustling of un-guessable movement, the distant shuffle of feet. His palm spread fully across the door, pressing in.

He wasn't conscious of anything else. Time could have fleeted past, sounded the bell of doomsday and still he would have stayed, preying on the threshold. He laid his cheek against the door, his hand closing round the handle. The cool grip shuddered his senses, the encircling clasp of metal as he stood, not talking, or thinking, hardly even breathing.

His actions at once thrilled and disgusted him. He knew it was crazy, wrong to be there but he couldn't move out the safe and comforting moment of knowing she was there, as if he had happened upon a secretive creature he didn't dare approach. Sasha wanted to recoil, he knew he was acting like nothing less than a stalker. But something wouldn't let him go. The deep, drawing breaths seemed to slow, gain steadiness and stability as he stood.

She didn't know. She didn't, by some innate feeling, sense the devotion of an adoring heart pressed to her door. He turned away, despite his guilty feelings smiling. Sasha's fist unclenched the handle as he moved off down the stairs.

In that one moment, pressed upon the threshold, the chaos in his brain had retreated. Now there was only one idea, one shining light which he could see. He had left the door he came from closed, but the one he had searched for so desperately in his mind was slowly swinging open.


	8. Chapter 8

The Monday bustle and whirring descend onto the Rock. Gymnasts pouring in, sending their last texts before the phones were abandoned in the dropped bags by the side, the parents hovering, discussing politics, finance, sport on the mats before they were shooed and enclosed behind the glass screen.

Already stretched out and warmed up, Payson joined her three friends who had just arrived and were just about to get started.

"You're in early," commented Lauren, wriggling in her shiny orange leotard.

"Amn't I always?"

Payson smiled, flexing her hands. There was set look of determination upon her face, almost comical with her grim confidence and focused edge.

"You've changed tack," Kaylie mentioned, stretching her head down to her toes where her voice became muffled.

"Last week were complaining about how you weren't even enjoying training anymore," she continued, jumping back up.

"Yeah well," replied Payson, her eyes flitting towards stairs and what lay after them, "I've just got to power through, be determined."

She flashed them a wicked grin, moving away towards the floor. They watched her go, a little shell-shocked at her new found confidence. Payson strode out, ready to rehearse, not caring if anyone was watching her. It was as if Sasha's kiss had unlocked more than just her heart: lost emotions of confidence, pride, a feeling of worth she had thought had fallen and been broken along with her. Her eyes danced subconsciously to his office door. She needed to talk to him, she wanted to explain and to try and make him see that whatever link they had formed was slowly tugging and tearing at her heart whilst he seemed unscathed. Lauren was right. She would fight for the tiny impulse that had been awakened within her. An impulse she never though she could experience, a voice crying out and telling her to do things she had wanted to put on hold her whole life time up till now.

"Have you seen Sasha yet?" questioned Emily, passing by Payson on her way to the bars.

"No," Payson replied, shaking her head.

She gestured, a little disappointed, to his office.

"He hasn't left it yet."

Emily nodded and walked off. Turning back her focus to her routine, Payson tried to remind herself of the elegant lines and extended shapes she was attempting to achieve. There was maybe one silent moment of peace in which she pointed her legs and prepared for her first move, rapidly blocking out the world around her and focussing on the one person who could lead her through, remembering his eyes and encouraging smile. Then the gym exploded into sound again, piercing her reverie as the door to the office slammed open and down descended Sasha.

Their eyes met as he swept down the stairs, a pile of small squares of paper and pens in one hand, a bucket swinging on the other. Payson held her chin up, stretching a small smile for him, her eyes bright and sparkling. His hands tingled as he laid down his load, quickly turning away to address the gym as a whole. But not without lending her a smile in return.

"Everybody gathered round," he boomed, gathering in the gymnasts who grumbled as they made a sharp u-turn from the apparatus they were just headed to.

"Before you begin training," Sasha explained, "I think we need to do a team-bonding exercise."

There was mixed sound of irritated grunts and surprised groans, but Sasha held up his hands for silence. He didn't care what the others thought, he had spent all morning preparing his plan, and he only needed it to work for one person.

"I think we need to appreciate each other more, "he decided, pointing to the stack of paper.

"So, I want everyone to take some paper and a pen, and then write what you admire in anyone else sitting here. I want you to see just how other people see your efforts and, although they might not say it, look up to and value each other."

Payson seemed to blush a little more as she collected her pens, sitting slightly away from the other gymnasts and she squatted and sucked the end of the pen. Something inside her told her whirling brain that he was doing this for her, trying to show her that even in this new, uncomfortable zone of gymnastics for her, she could have confidence and shine.

"When you're done one, write the person you've written about's name on the outside, fold it, and put your slip in the bucket," Sasha reminded, going round the scribbling gymnasts and collecting the papers.

He picked up the bucket, swirling round his athletes and handing them the papers addressed to them. As he walked away, he heard the delighted laughs or giggles that people's kind words brought out, smiling as he dolled two slips to a rather surprised Lauren.

"See, you're not a bitch all of the time," he heard Kaylie whisper.

But he walked past the others to the girl sitting apart, still chewing her pen. Payson knew who she wanted to write to, even though the words wouldn't manifest themselves on the page. Sasha held out a flutter of paper to her. Payson looked up as he turned away, her hands closing around the fragile little slip.

An unknown hand had scribbled her name, crabbed and uneven vowels scattered erratically amongst looped consonants. She unfolded the page.

_I love how you are so determined. How you never give up._

_Please don't give up on me._

Instantly, Payson's cheeks flushed. The ink seemed to seep onto the page, life-blood poured not only from the heart of another but through the sweating, scented palms, the deft fingers she knew. She looked up, across the room.

Sasha's eyes were bright, dazzled as he met her gaze. He could almost feel her slowed breath matching his as she scrawled a message down on the paper lying open in her hand, without breaking the gaze stretching between them. He gave a quick intake of breath, almost a laugh, an exhilarated sigh of relief and her smile curved, tender and comforting as she came slowly towards him.

Message clutched tightly in her hand, Payson moved across the room, the springs of the floor pounding through her legs. She opened her slip, placing it into his hand. He glanced down. Sasha gulped as he looked back into her eyes. One of his fingers stroked her still-outstretched hand as he turned quickly, walking back up the stairs. Payson slowly followed him, every step she took reverberating through her body to a heart that beat quickly as her eyes traced his form moving in front of her. He let her in, the cold metal of the handle jolting him back to the moment of trepidation where he had stood, in wait by her bedroom door. The door swung shut.

They both stood, close enough to hear each other's slow, steadying breath. Two hearts seemed to jolt and beat as one.

"Me too," whispered Sasha.

It was a reply to her message, to her heart, to the incessant whirring in her brain.

Instantly he was enveloped in a tight embrace, a shudder and a soft, feminine forehead pressed against his. Salty tears appeared in the corner of Payson's eyes, running down her cheekbones and the curves of her smiling mouth, her lips slightly jutting into his shoulder and she laid her cheek across it, moistening a small circle of his tee-shirt.

He circled his arms around Payson as he ducked his own head into the curved nape of her neck.

"I'm sorry," he murmured, squeezing her close.

His voice was barely audible, a breathe merging for a second into a rapid murmur, trembling with emotion.

"I want to make you happy Payson."

The piece of paper fluttered from his hand to the floor, forgotten. It nestled into the carpet, face-up, Payson's message displayed to the world of the office.

_I loved kissing you._

_

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_**it didn't turn out how i wanted but i hope it is alright :)**

**please review!**


	9. Chapter 9

It was odd. The laughing glances, the twisting little smiles that fluttered too and fro between them in the gym, ever conscious of the passionate burning gaze of the other yearning across the room. Yet words seemed unwinnable, no moment was theirs alone in the hustle and bustle of The Rock. The small, secretive moment in Sasha's office remained, etched in the back of their minds, as they moved through the motions of their daily lives.

Payson's friends noticed the change in her, the confidence quietly exuding from her smile and look. And when they asked, she blushed and look up, remembering how she had someone on her side, someone who backed her and who believed in everything he did.

So when they finally found themselves alone together, they didn't know how to react anymore. Walking tiredly from his office, lazily flickering the lights off one by one, Sasha Belov strained his eyes as he looked at a lone figure twirling in the semi-darkness below. Despite himself, he gave a laugh.

"Payson Keeler!" he cried, running down the stairs and running a bewildered hand through his hair.

She jumped, twitching her head up in surprise. He discerned a fire in her eyes even from his position as he approached closer, a determination that he hadn't seen in her countenance for a very long time.

"Yes?" she replied, innocent eyed.

"Go home," urged Sasha, dropping his voice to a low, gentle murmur, "it's far too late."

There was a cheeky smile playing on her cheeks as she watched his concerned expression.

"It's fine, I just want to get this done."

He looked at her resilient expression.

"I knew giving you the pep talk about being determined and confident would be a mistake," he groaned with a laugh.

Payson grinned, turning back away from him. She expected him to leave her alone again, but he stayed still.

"Do you have to watch me Sasha?" she asked, flicking her hair back as she met his gaze.

"What else is there to do this time of night?" he smiled, throwing her a quick wink as he bent down and sat on the mats.

Payson watched him, disbelieving. She uttered an exasperated sigh, crossing her arms on her chest. God he loved that puckered mouth and the cross little frown in her forehead as she bore down a look of annoyance upon him. Even in that though, it was hard not to see the joyous, tender gaze filtering through it from her warming heart.

"I'm not going to practice if you're watching me," she declared, stubbornly, furrowing her forehead and digging her heel into the mat.

"Fine," Sasha shrugged, flicking his eyebrows at her, "but I'm not moving."

"Fine," Payson repeated, walking over to him and sitting resolutely down next to him.

There was a silence, as both of them became conscious of the pulsating centimetre of air separating their arms.

"So are we just going to sit here all evening then?" she voiced.

"Why not?"

She stole a glance at his face, poised straight ahead. It wasn't exactly an accident that her hand fell on top of his as she snaked it down to the mat.

Sasha felt a surge power through his arm as her fingers burrowed through to his. His head snapped round to face hers, wide-eyed, holding her breath.

"Sasha-"

But Payson's whisper was lost as he drew his finger across her lips, shushing her quietly as he leant forward, slipping his arm into the crook of her back so that she gentle leant back onto the floor as he moved towards her, his shining eyes and soft smile radiating into hers as he hovered now directly above her.

He moved his lips towards hers but she averted her own, turning her head so that his instead came to rest on the smooth arch of her cheek.

"I don't understand," she whimpered quietly. Her voice trailed off abruptly.

"What?" Sasha breathed, still pressed into her soft, warm flesh.

"You're the king of mixed signals Sasha," Payson murmured, struggling to get up from lying on the matt, watching as he shot up next to her, "first you kiss me, then you say it was nothing, and now-"

Sasha watched as her voice cracked with frustration, and she simply peered up at him from those large, oh so innocent eyes. Her plea seemed to reverberate around the room, the air vying with intensity as she looked at him for some explanation.

He tried to reach out, leaning in to touch her hand but instead she jerked away, standing up so she had the power over his kneeling stance.

"Don't Sasha," Payson whispered as she took her hand away from his, "please don't do this."

But he was up in a flash, grabbing her arms and staring right into those bewildered eyes. Sasha didn't know if he could find his voice but somehow, an odd strain managed to escape from his throat.

"I don't understand it either," he croaked, "but I do know one thing."

"What?"

He wasn't sure if the word had crossed her lips, if her quiet murmur was actually audible at all or if he just read the trace flicker across them but he felt his heart skip another beat until it was in time with hers as he drew Payson in closer.

Sasha gulped. The world was spinning, the colours around him blandly fading into some unrecognisable shade of grey but he didn't care because of the surge of ecstasy that was coursing through his veins.

"I just can't let you go."

Time seemed to hand, suspended for a moment until she was slowly reaching up to his face with her fragile little hand. Payson felt the unkempt stubble of his chin as she thrust her lips onto his, parched and dry as she deposited a gentle kiss. Even in the darkness they could feel each other smile as their hands ran through the others hair and their lips parted and met, gasping for each other as if it was the first time they had breathed air.

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** I'm not too sure about this chapter, I just couldn't leave it half finished any more! All comments would be appreciated :)**


	10. Chapter 10

**Sorry it's taken so long I wanted to upload it before but for some reason it wouldn't let me! **

**Enjoy :)**

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"Someone's chirpy today," smirked Lauren to nobody in particular as she wandered into the gym, her eyes glancing over the laughing figure of Payson Keeler at already at the water fountain with Kaylie.

The two girls waved her over, Kaylie meeting her with a bemused gaze as Payson was still spluttering, grinning into her cup.

"I really have no idea what's so funny," Kaylie hesitated, smiling with absolute confusion, "this one's just in an odd mood I think."

"Whatever," deadpanned Lauren, grabbing her arm and leading her away, "listen…"

Payson watched her two friends walk away, biting into the plastic rim of her cup with a broad grin. She passed an excited glance upwards to Sasha's office, trying to suppress a nervous titter of laughter. She didn't know what this was, the bubbling effervescent laughter and joy that seemed to converge in her heart, radiating through her smile and eyes. She understood it was something she had never experienced before and as her soft gaze alighted upon a certain person's similarly bright smile from across the room, the summersaults twirling in her stomach seemed to confirm that it was a four letter word she had never though of or employed until now.

A bemused look crossed Sasha's expression from across the room, his eyes widened into large, naive swirls of blue that Payson knew so well, and she couldn't help a large grin spread across her face.

"Payson Keeler smiling," commented a surprised voice, "how rare."

Carter dropped down to the water fountain beside her, casually grabbing a cup from the holder.

"Oh come on," retorted Payson, trying to quickly wipe the involuntary smile off her face, "it's not that unusual."

"Well these days," continued Carter, moving closer to let another gymnast in to the fountain, "we all seem to forget to enjoy ourselves. "

"That's true."

"You better be careful though, " Carter whispered, dropping his voice and leaning in very close so that his breath tickled her ear.

He gave a wicked smile.

"You don't want Sasha catching you smiling," he joked, "or he'll think your thinking or something other than gymnastics."

Oh she was thinking of something else alright. The absolute irony of Carter's words made Payson stifle a snort and across the room, as if alerted by his name, Sasha's shadow turned sharply towards them.

"Carter!"

He hadn't meant to yell but somehow his voice came out rougher, more aggressive and threatening as he saw the boy drawing closer to her and murmur something in her ear.

"What are you doing? Back to practice! "

Still that roar, that anger that seemed to reverberate round the room. Sasha couldn't seem to control it, something jarring in his heart which was pouring forth an aggression towards this boy that he had never imagined he could have felt. He was conscious of the startled gymnasts eyes as he strode towards the water fountain which Carter hurriedly scuttled away from.

"What was that? " hissed Payson as he moved closer towards her, anxious eyes flitting around the room to see if anyone was watching them. Thankfully they were too engrossed in working hard.

"What? " Sasha stared at her blankly, some of the heat which had rushed to his brain cooling as he found himself alone with her.

"Don't you-"

Feeling the wandering eyes of Lauren Tanner on them, Sasha abruptly moved past her. Payson looked around her a little exasperated, wide eyes confused before moving back to the beam.

* * *

It couldn't' have been more than an hour before practice usually ended when, returning from some paperwork in his office, Sasha spied the familiar tracksuits of Denver moving through the gym below. He moved through the door and onto the adjoining balcony, surprised to see the jovial face of Nicky Russo being accosted by a rather eager Lauren tanner who had literally tumbled off the beam to greet him as he hovered in the doorway. Sasha gave a low laugh to himself and was about to give Nicky a few minutes before telling him to watch quietly from the sidelines if he stay before he saw a purple flash across the room which made his jaw tighten.

Payson dismounted from the vault which happened to be near Nicky's uncomfortable dealings with Lauren and his eyes flashed a familiar 'hello' as she passed by. For the sake of friendship, and to disentangle him from the Tanner trap, she came closer.

"Hey," he said, moving out of Lauren's way to give her an awkward wave.

"What are you doing here? " Payson asked, frowning.

"I was just-"

Something loud and aggressive from above made him startle. Sasha Belov was storming down the stairs with a set grim expression, gesturing wildly to the room in general.

"I'm afraid this is a closed practice Nicky," he began, trying to control some coursing emotion which had until now lain dormant within him.

"Oh-"

"I won't have you distracting my gymnasts! "

There it was, that unknown emotion exploding out of him so that he vented his fury at poor Nicky Russo who4s only crime was addressing the one girl who held some part of his heart in her delicate hands.

Sasha's face flushed at the distress and confusion of Nicky's face as he backed out of the gym. He couldn't look at Payson's large burning eyes as he ducked back towards his office. It has been a long time since he had lost control of his emotions like that.

Stupid jealousy.

* * *

She knew he was hiding in his office, no doubt ashamed of his outburst, but she waited until the gym finally emptied itself to slowly mount the stairs.

"I think you have some explaining to do…"

Payson stopped in the open doorway, hands on her hips as she fixed him with a gaze that wasn't without mirth.

Sasha sighed, dropping his pen onto his desk and moving towards her.

"I have no idea, I just for some reason couldn't stand seeing you even talking to them-" he ventured slowly.

Payson smiled. For some reason she just wanted to laugh at his downhearted expression.

"Listen," Sasha ventured moving closer, "how about dinner? "

"Mmm, how grown up. "

"I'll cook. "

"You mean you'll try to… "

"Yeah. "

* * *

**please review :D**


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